"Try to think of these draining days as giving days." (Dr. Sears)
Wow, when I read this article by Dr. Sears about high need babies my heart had such a perspective shift (http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby). With all that has been going on with Sadie I have been so exhausted. I didn't know this kind of exhaustion existed. My prayers have been very needy and I have been complaining a lot to God. I have been pleading and begging Him in the middle of the night (or the middle of the day) when Sadie is crying and won't sleep and she is in pain from her reflux, please Father I am so tired, I can't do this. Yet she is still up, still crying. I have been upset with God. When I just get her to sleep and then our neighbor starts moving furniture (we think he does this every day, we have nicknamed him Stampy because he is so loud!) or a thunderstorm begins and she is up, once again, being completely honest, I have thought God must have something against me.
Earlier this week we saw a specialist for Sadie's GERD. He was not very helpful, not sympathetic and really did not listen. I left in tears and Louie and I felt so frustrated. We just want to help our baby girl feel better. I scheduled an appointment with Sadie's pediatrician for the next day and she was wonderful. She apologized for our experience and reassured me that we are doing everything we can and Sadie IS getting better, it's just a slow process. She wants us to keep doing what we are doing and we will reevaluate next week. She also said we should look into something called highly sensitive personality. She believes that Sadie, in addition to the reflux may be highly sensitive. As she began to describe the characteristics it was like going down a checklist, that's Sadie. So she encouraged me to do some research about it. Basically those with highly sensitive personality have a very sensitive nervous system that responds differently to external stimuli. It has been so freeing to learn more and to better understand my baby. Louie and I can now love her in a different way and look out more for her needs. Although we have tried a lot of things and it seemed many did not work and it seemed like God was holding out on us, He never left our side. He was guiding us the whole time. One of the articles I read was by Dr. Sears about high need babies. And something clicked. My mom always talks about the power of our words and how important it is to give the angels something to work with. It was like the message finally sunk in (thank you Mom for continuing to tell me that all these years!). And instead of thinking as these long, tiring days as draining, think of them as giving. My heart immediately felt lighter. A huge weight lifted. I cannot do this on my own strength. I need Jesus. I will get tired and feel drained. I will. But He NEVER will! This song has been my anthem this week, you can listen to it here (http://youtu.be/RH63wQBerpA):
Put your feet on His solid ground
Receive the water
The water that never runs dry
Jesus makes the impossible possible
Jesus makes the incapable more than able
If you call He will answer
If you seek you will find
He is the water
The water that never runs dry
Impossible Possible, By Jared Anderson (a worship leader at our church, from his new album, The Narrow Road)
I get to give to my daughter, I get to love her, cherish her, hug her, change her diapers, wipe her nose, sing lullabies to her, rock her when she is crying, play with her, teach her about Jesus. I get to give to my daughter. My heart feels so blessed. I thank God for His grace, provision and teaching me about being a mom and His disciple. I thank God for my husband and his love and patience. I thank God for my mom who listens and listens and prays and prays. I thank God for good friends who share their experiences so honestly and offer their encouragement. I thank God for my sweet Sadie Joy Rose, a true gift from above.
"Try to think of these draining days as giving days."
Today is a giving day! Yippee! :)
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